Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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