moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
