i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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