Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
