i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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