no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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