So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
