Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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