I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
