to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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