since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
