I puked a lego.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
