God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I smell stomach acid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
