I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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