You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
