the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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