every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
