Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
