let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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