This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
