There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
