yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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