Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
is it fun? or sober?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
