im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
