why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
