We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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