The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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