Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
