So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just had sex bonerless
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
