My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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