If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
