Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All the doctor said was why
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
