Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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