I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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