I think i sorta joined a cult last night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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