Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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