Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
