Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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