Got a toothbrush?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
