i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
