Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
