Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
