end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
