I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me I should be a condom model.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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