New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
