are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
