my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I could make wine with my vomit
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
