Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
