I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
