did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In other news, I just burned my penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
