North Korea, Best Korea!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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